My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
