The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
