it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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