with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
