he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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