What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
