and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
