he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
