This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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