I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
