This girl is more easily done than said...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
