We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
