Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am one with the molecules
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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