You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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