If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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