Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if only i could text you this smell
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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