She's JV to your varsity
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
