Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
