It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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