How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
