A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
