Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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