Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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