Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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