You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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