Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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