You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
