he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
