Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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