is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
