Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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