So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
