Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
