i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
