Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
