My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
