Sponge bath it is.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
