it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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