You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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