I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
