You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish you could order shots online.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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