This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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