areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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