Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
