Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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