i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
