Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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