Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
