dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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