Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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