sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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