The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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