i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
