I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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